There seems to be a Rodin moment in our lives when we oyster ourselves and our fists-to-forehead become a shelf of sad memories. And we panic.
The wind outside blows, the depth of the water is unimaginable and the sphere we live on is far too vast to understand. The sound all of this makes is a nervous sound. Today we are in Cannes.
I find myself in a ridiculously painful moment. Yes, painful. Was it Barcelona? It is Cannes? Obviously NOT.
The very idea of survival is ridiculous. The idea of having to justify, justify and justify becomes a parable of the unjustifiable: Gaudi may well represent the justification of the inexplicable. Why? Must there always be a WHY?
“Why is this?” “why are you…?”
“Who was that?” “who IS that?”
“When was this and that?”
There seems to be a Warhol moment in us when the WAR fills the Hole and we are nothing but multiples of ourselves or mobiles of our souls floating or hanging as if in a Calder piece or a Calderon character.
When we realize that the oyster in us has gone on to become a seafood platter, then all is gone.
It is all in a can. No, I can’t.
It does. But the clocks go on ticking whilst our internal hands and fingers do the walk to reflection or reflexion and we end up where we always end up: nowhere and with a question: what is all this for?
Malaga. Algiers. Tunis. Sicily where I….No. Where I nothing!
To spend a lifetime answering the most stupid and banal questions is not why I’m here. Yet! I’m here on a ship, sailing the waves of Britannia and the Mediterranean letting the wind tell me that we’re moving ahead. La Nave Va.
But I live back there, remember? Remember where I live?
Remember where my mind was built or coined as if a Tower of Pisa and where no antioxidants will ever keep me from getting old. Old. Old.
I see no point in jogging, fitnessing, sweating, steaming, rowing, foaming and looking for the fountain of youth.
We thin our bloods. We take blood thinners, mood stabilizers when this Queen Victoria doesn’t seem to be able to cope with tiny waves. But sinners and thinners in our system to prolongue life. But prolongue what? This incredible STAGE of illusions? I cry because I cannot laugh when people still approach me with questions such as: what was this, or that, and who was he, of she and what did they do 300, 200, 100 years ago?
There’s a Goethe moment in all of us when time has stopped and we simply realize that we are nothing but a speck of dust and…
All this information!
All this historical knowledge!
All this education!
All this curiosity!
All this erudite something….hinders. Yes, it hinders what we are because it will not further us from where we are NOW.
We do, indeed, rust. There is no cream or ointment of antioxidant pill that will ever stop this ridiculous mental cycle. Mental cycle.
There is a Duchamp moment in all of us and there is a Picasso moment in all of us and there is a John Cage moment in all of us where silence. Yes, simply where silence. As the silence that prevails after the sound of a bomb blast.
We exist in order to eat or satisfy the unsatisfiable HUNGER!
We exist to digest and shit.
We exist in order to fulfill the DARKNESS of the universe we float in just as we exist in order to sail or sell our souls, or sail on in these vast waters as nothing but a tiny speck of dust or ash, yes ash, while looking up at the stars while this ship sails on: La Nave Va.
In Barcelona, Christopher Columbus is better known as Colon. Theatro Colon, Buenos Aires. Ha! Certain things in the old world such as in Cartagena make sense. Others take time. Colon is the most beautiful Opera house I know.
Yes, and there is OUR moment in all of us.
And I cry.
(In memoriam of Samuel Cunard, Einstein, John Fante and Sergio Vieira de Mello.)
Mediterranean off the coast of Spain.
May 17, 2010.
EL PAIS has President Lula all over the front page. Once for having formed the Mercosul Group which will trade with Europe. And once again for: “Iran firma un pacto nuclear con Turquia y Brasil para evitar sanciones: EE UU y sus aliados rechazam el acuerdo.
Si, estoy de acuerdo con las sanciones!
THE INDEPENDENT (London) bought at a news stand in Barce: US OUTFLANKED IN BID TO BRING SANCTIONS AGAINS IRAN.
And again, Lula shaking hands with (oh my Gull) …Ahmadinejad! (what are they thinking????