From ALYSSA ROGERS – such touching poetry !

Alyssa Rogers, the author, the poet

August 26 2018

You think you know the order of how things will go

I will be in my 30s or 40s when my grandmother passes

Away and I will have kids that she will watch grow up and say

“I love you more” to, they will be young when she passes and they will miss her

The day to day routine convinces us I can plan this out and know exactly what to expect

Sometimes it is all gone before you can even think to plan it

You wake up

Feeling in the day that it will be one of loss

 that you are just waiting for

You will make a cup of tea and stare at it until it turns darker

You have to make a new one

The cup is grey

Or was it blue

You think and you think

You forget

At your grandmother’s funeral you are only 21

It is February, it is torrential downpouring. Your family is late, because well they are always late and your heels are too big and hurting your feet.

 The priest quotes Shakespeare during his sermon “It is better to have lost than to have never loved at all”

And he tells an analogy that a little girl once told him, “Dragonflies are born under water. Once they break the surface and spread their wings they can no longer return to the life they once knew”. Grams had a small angel tattoo on her right shoulder. She always wore an angel pin.

With your grandmother’s ashes before you in a blue urn surround by fake flowers which seem to be wilting you snap out of it and realize

Maybe this is all chance

Maybe this is all coincidence

Maybe there is some larger power

You are never going to know

Not for a while

Maybe never

 

You know what else is going to happen?

You are going to jump up

And down to music in a well lit room

That is Alive

And smile across the room

At people you love,

Laughing

You will be comforted

You will comfort

You will swim in the ocean at night

By yourself

And feel the distance between

The sky and sea

You will feel joy

 

No matter how hard you stare

Things will only get brighter

Was it blue, or was it everything?

August 26th 2018

The day Neil Simon passed away

I texted my friend the news and he answered

“Yea I heard that.

Six days does not a week make”

 

Strong and Giving

The sea changes as the night goes on

from bright pink and orange

to a calmer darker blue

 

Climbing the stairs

up to Carolyn and Donica’s house

time passes before you

Endlessly changing colors,

what a view

 

August 26th 2018

The fruit flies land on the brim of my paper coffee cup

They fly around my face

They are too quick to squash with a clap

They are too clever to land long enough to be slapped

They are annoying

And they make me feel gross
Plus my coffee is empty

August 26 2018

How can someone begin with

Going to get milkshakes

Talking for hours

I will make you breakfast in bed

Constant engaging conversation

Sweetness

A few weeks later not even asking how your day was?

I notice the shift like a gust of wind that messies your hair

Just like my hair is messied after I stupidly fall into bed

Again and again

And expect to be filled

 

August 26th 2018

One more for the road

We are like suckling pigs

 or worse we are like the lowest leeches

Sucking each other off on your 5,000 dollar leather coach

That another woman bought for you

And then putting on masks that hide any inkling of feelings switching off

Disgusting

Yet it’s beautiful

 

That last time you wanted to hear me so you did your most

With your hands and with your mouth and you groaned

I stretched my neck back and you said my head almost hit the floor

You laughed that smug laugh

Why do I keep coming back for more

 

August 27th 2018

Turn back one last time to

 glance the moon

shining over the ocean water

Shining like the light through

the crack in a window

If the crack kept growing

It kind of looks like a sonogram

Except it is larger than life

And it is right in front of you

 

Something that cannot be contained

Within the human body

But it lives for a time

on the surface of the sea

 

Turn back, just one more time,

One more time to

glance at the moon

shining onto the ocean water

Shining like the light through

the crack in a window

Offering warmth to an otherwise dark room

It resembles a sonogram

Except it is larger than life

And it is right in front of you

 

Witnessing a feeling that

cannot be contained

Within the human body

It lives for a time

on the surface of the sea

———

In a dark world
You could find me through my sighs
Which surprises my lovers
And makes my family laugh
I often gasp

Night swim, on my back in the water
Diving through the black pool
A blood moon arrived
I wanted to swim out to her all the way
A curtain that disappeared
Rises again
I looked for her my entire swim
Only to have her revealed to me once
I sat alone on the sand

 

Alyssa Rogers

NJ – Aug 2018

Alyssa at a poetry reading

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Comments are closed.