The meaning of “being Gerald Thomas”
Weird things happen every day when you are you. But…when you’re me, it maybe even weirder. Emails, voice messages, text messages, Facebook inbox “things” jump right right into my eyeballs, out of the blue and into my skull for no apparent reason but to hurt me.
Well, that isn’t entirely true.
I represent income ($$$ ) to a lot of people. Yes, money. And if it ain’t that, it’s some other kind of ‘support’ or need, favor or….Yes, I always seem to be there for people.
So, as an example of “aloneness”, or loneliness or any kind of “lessness” that one might be able to apply to the end of a word without sounding toooooooo pathetic of self pitying, then today seems to have been the icing on the cake. Oh no, wait ! The cake will be in a month. July 1st is my birthday, so….the cake is 30 days from today.
Emails come and go and in this weird traffic, they hurt. I mean, they come unsolicited and yet.. Wait. Here’s one example:
This is my reply to someone who, from the Lone Star State asked me if I was in the US.
After showing some concern….. my reply…was…
“…Well… I’m trying…. Force feeding… You know
Vegan … Strange schedule!
Weird stuff is happening dearest
Weird stuff …
I guess it’s normal after delivering 3 books, no ?
And working and reworking 2 plays !!!
I’ll be 62 in one goddamn month !
Never thought I’d get thus far and be
To which she replied:
“you are NEVER alone… ever”
Really? Does she even know me?
I sat there, dumbfounded for a while… thinking…How do I get myself into these ‘personal’ and highly impersonal traps? But, then again, she’s right. In the macrocosm, in the yin and yang version of things, considering the Zen and the Tao Order of the Universe, we’re but a speck of dust. Granted. In that case, end of conversation. So….
Why bother asking in the first place??!! ! I mean, people are all entangled in their own problems and… life is fucking tough so…
BUT THEN….WHY ASK ????
WHY ASK ????
See? Here’s the difference. When I ask, it’s because I care and I follow thru.
When I ask, it’s because I care and I follow thru. (Yes, they heard you, GT)
THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE.
But her case is not the only one. She’s part of the MAJORITY.
It follows a very unfortunate pattern – all too familiar – of people who engage (intensely, I might add) for days and then…..gone. ALL GONE.
“Can you help me with this play?” “What would Beckett have said about xxxxx ?”
Or….. “QUE SAUDADES!!!” “CAN you send me a picture of your mother? Your father? OR….
“ I had a dream about you last night. Uh, intense ! We fucked. Ah, and – by the way – I need to act. GERALD, I NEED TO ACT !!!! You don’t happen to have a role for me, do you ? (this, by the way, isn’t even an actress).
For most people – I’m guessing – reaching fame means ‘having made it’ in the most absurd sense of the word. They assume that – once you’re ‘on’ this platform, you suffer from no gastrointestinal problems, no addictions, no miseries of any kind. It’s all
A “colorful’ environment and that’s that.
“Oh, poor Gerald. He’s complaining again”, I overhear someone. “I’d LOVE to inherit half a million of his problems”, and they chuckle away, as they walk into sinister land.
I’m writing this at 10PM, Eastern, after having spent most of my day feeling very sick and landing at the infirmary of where I happen to be. One of my closest friends knows this but, believe it or not, as I close this quick article, I will …..(no I won’t)… I was going to…. continue correcting his application for a…..
Oh, you know ? See that hook up there?
You guessed it.